What a difference a year makes.

A year ago, my husband kicked me out of the house.  Told me to leave.  That broke me and destroyed me because I didn't see it coming.  Blind-sided.  Things were not perfect, but I thought that we were just going through a phase as things in life were changing.  My daughter was getting ready to graduate high school and was going off to college.  He had lost three significant people in his life within 9 months, was miserable at his job and the final straw, getting emergency custody of his son (which was the straw that broke the camel's back, so they say).  He rarely had time for me and he felt that he needed to give whatever he had to me to his son, so out the door I went.  Over the past year, he has come up with a million other different excuses as to why he did what he did.  I've had my thoughts on it and he has confirmed a few of them over the past year.  

I've been through so much in this past year and how I made it out alive, I have no clue at all.  None.  God and Nola (my dog).  Because without Nola, I would have never made myself get up every day.  I prayed to God to not let me wake up for the most part of this.  I wanted the horrific nightmare to be over with.  I just wanted to hear my husband tell me "come home, I miss you."  Never happened.  

In October, I had a wake up call.  Rock bottom, so to speak.  I started getting my life together.  Found an amazing counselor and have made great strides to get through one of the worst times of my life.  I had stopped drinking for 4 months.  Now, I have a drink occasionally, but it's nothing like it was when this started.  I lived drunk.  How I managed to keep my job (not to mention the second job that I picked up) amazes me.  It was really bad there for a while.  I'm not perfect and I've had a few slip-ups here and there, but each time, I've learned the lesson.  

I work two full-time jobs (damn near).  So when I do have time, I am very picky with whom I spend it with because my time is very precious.  I am mostly at home with Nola as I am rarely home.  She's become my rock in all of this.  I have no clue where I'd be without her.  A year ago, today, I put down my 15 year old dog who had been through everything with me.  I had to put her down because she couldn't handle the stress of moving.  He kicked me out and a few days later, I moved to my sister's house.  Roux couldn't handle the stress and she was beginning to become senile.  I miss her.  

I love my husband, still, despite everything that has happened.  I've respected my vows (and continue to).  My husband has my heart.  Always will.  I've given him a year and told him as long as he needed to figure it out.  He hasn't changed from the day that that he told me to leave.  He's full of hurt and hatred and it's directed towards me and I do not know why.  He's cut me off in communication at times and then feels the need to throw me a crumb to suck me back in, but it's not working anymore because I deserve more than the crumbs that he throws my way.  I deserve more than what he can give me right now.  I deserve better and I know that.  This last episode proved that to me.  He never believes me and takes the word of strangers or "friends" who tell him lies about me.  Honestly, I could careless who the "friend" was because I never once asked him who "she" was.  It's a lie and I know that it is.  

At the end of the day, I'm independent.  I'm paying all of my bills, living on my own, hustling working two jobs and doing whatever it is that I want.  I just got back home from vacation with my daughter, her friends and my friend.  Fun girls' trip to Orange Beach, Alabama.  I have plans of traveling this year and have the next two planned already.  I love my husband with everything that I have, still, although he really does not deserve it, but maybe he needs it more than ever right now, I don't know.  I hurt because he's hurting and he still isn't happy and I can see it in his eyes whenever I do see him.  I can also see that he still loves me more than anything as well.  I'm not perfect, but I'm picking up the pieces of the life that he destroyed and building a new one.  I like who I am becoming.  I'm not the same person that he married and I'm not the same person he told to leave.  For the first time in my life, I am alone and I am finding myself and who I am supposed to be.  I'm focusing on me and who I want in my life.  I have a select few who I have allowed into my very close circle because as I said, my time is precious. 

21 Suggestions for Success

21 SUGGESTIONS FOR SUCCESS

1.  Marry the right person.  This one decision will determine 90% of your happiness or misery;

2.  Work at something you enjoy and that’s worthy of your time and talent;

3.  Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully;

4.  Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know;

5.  Be forgiving of yourself and others;

6.  Be generous;

7.  Have a grateful heart;

8.  Persistence, persistence, persistence;

9.  Discipline yourself to save money on even the most modest salary;

10. Treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated;

11. Commit yourself to constant improvement;

12. Commit yourself to quality;

13. Understand that happiness is not based on possessions, power, prestige, but on relationships with people you love and respect;

14. Be loyal;

15. Be honest;

16. Be a self-starter;

17. Be decisive even if it means you’ll sometimes be wrong;

18. Stop blaming others. Take responsibility for every area of your life;

19. Be bold and courageous. When you look back on your life, you’ll regret the things didn’t do more than the ones you did;

20. Take good care of those you love; and,

21. Don’t do anything that wouldn’t make your mom proud

~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Back to reality.

Every once in a while, a person needs to get away to recharge their batteries.  My husband and I had planned this trip to go up to the East Tennessee area to visit his mom's side of the family a few months ago.  We have been going up there moreso as an extended long weekend the last few times, but this time, we spent 9 days up there.  It was very nice.  The Smokies are beautiful this time of year with the leaves changing colors.  

Somewhere in the Smokies.

We drove up to the Smokies and spent the day up there.  It was very romantic and the sights were breathtaking!  This Cajun girl grew up at the camp on the bayou so since meeting my hot hubby 7.5 years ago, he has shown me a whole other way of life away from the muddy waters. 

Clingmans Dome

Newfound Gap (where you can be in Tennessee and North Carolina at the same time.  Also, where President FDR gave a speech).

While enjoying these beautiful views, I managed to get what I needed and cooked some Cajun food up there in the mountains.  Chicken and sausage jambalaya was a huge success and I also had my hubby and his cousin as my sous chefs.  Of course, this tasty concoction could not be without consuming some Louisiana beer (Abita Purple Haze) while cooking/eating.   The jambalaya was perfect for that cold (I mean FREEZING) front that came through while we were up there.  Thursday morning, there was snow (aka sneaux) on the mountain tops!  Sadly, the hubs and I did not pack for that kind of cold weather BUT thankfully, there is a HUGE outlet mall not to far from where we were staying and of course that is the PERFECT excuse for shopping, right? ;)

Snow (aka SNEAUX) on top of the mountain!!!

This past weekend was my niece's fourth birthday party.  What kid does not have two kinds of cake for a 4th birthday?  Preslie, that's who.  She had a cake from New Orleans and a cake from up there in Tennessee.  Of course, Preslie was Tinkerbell and it was a Tinkerbell themed party.  Being around her sometimes sets the baby ticker in motion, but shortly thereafter . . . its back to enjoying not having an itty bitty and being able to enjoy others little ones and still having the freedom that comes with having older kiddies.

NOLA cake (Creative Cakes) and the one from Gatlinburg, Tennessee.

Preslie

Some balloons got away, but I was making it better!

Dylan, Kailey, myself and Taylor doing face painting.

I truly enjoyed every second visiting family.  They may be family due to me marrying into it, but they have always treated me as one of their own from the very beginning.  I am truly very blessed in my life in having a wonderful and loving husband who comes from people who are equally as wonderful and loving as he is.  

Jody, Preslie and I.  I LOVE THAT MAN!!!

My best friend/hubby.

I LOVE MY LIFE AND IT IS GOOD, NO FANTABULOUS, and I cannot wait to go back up there again!  Tennessee is definitely a second home to me!

I love Chris Rose and his quote here sums it up (for Mardi Gras that is).

"To encapsulate the notion of Mardi Gras as nothing more than a big drunk is to take the simple and stupid way out, and I, for one, am getting tired of staying stuck on simple and stupid.

Mardi Gras is not a parade. Mardi Gras is not girls flashing on French Quarter balconies. Mardi Gras is not an alcoholic binge.

Mardi Gras is bars and restaurants changing out all the CD's in their jukeboxes to Professor Longhair and the Neville Brothers, and it is annual front-porch crawfish boils hours before the parades so your stomach and attitude reach a state of grace, and it is returning to the same street corner, year after year, and standing next to the same people, year after year--people whose names you may or may not even know but you've watched their kids grow up in this public tableau and when they're not there, you wonder: Where are those guys this year?

It is dressing your dog in a stupid costume and cheering when the marching bands go crazy and clapping and saluting the military bands when they crisply snap to.

Now that part, more than ever.

It's mad piano professors converging on our city from all over the world and banging the 88's until dawn and laughing at the hairy-shouldered men in dresses too tight and stalking the Indians under Claiborne overpass and thrilling the years you find them and lamenting the years you don't and promising yourself you will next year.

It's wearing frightful color combination in public and rolling your eyes at the guy in your office who--like clockwork, year after year--denies that he got the baby in the king cake and now someone else has to pony up the ten bucks for the next one.

Mardi Gras is the love of life. It is the harmonic convergence of our food, our music, our creativity, our eccentricity, our neighborhoods, and our joy of living. All at once."

— Chris Rose (1 Dead in Attic)

Dear Chessie:

I tried to be the best dog mom to you that I could. I am sorry that there was nothing that could be done to make you better. I had to make that hard decision and while looking in your eyes at the initial exam and me thinking I am going to have to end up putting you down, was the hardest thing to do. Getting the phone call from the vet telling me what our options were, but the end result and most comfortable way for you was to put you down. I am glad that I was there and the last person that you saw and was with when you took your final breath.

Sure, I got you as an adult rescue six years ago. Not knowing exactly how old you were and what your upbringing was, but you were a challenge and an awesome one at that. Eating my Kenneth Cole heels, your fine taste in my couch among the other things that you annihilated in the house, not to mention your pee/pooh place in my office and ruining my hardwood floors, rugs and the carpeting in the bedroom. Yes, the carpeting in the bedroom. I was not too fond of the color either, and with you using it as your bathroom at times, made it easier for me to pull it up and get rid of it faster than I wanted. Your craziness with thunderstorms and freaking out trying to get into bed with me, meanwhile, panting loudly/nervously and shaking the bed. Not to mention your digging to China in my closet.

In saying that, you were an awesome dog who let Miles (my nephew) and Tayler ride like a horse. You never left Tayler's side when she was home. You were mothering to Roux (my other dog) although I thought that you two had lesbian tendencies, but I'll stick with your maternal nurturing of Roux.

You were a challenge that I would take and do all over again. You taught me patience and even though I got angry, I did not stay angry at you long. You were very loving and understanding of moods and always there.

I will miss you and I do look forward to bringing you home on Tuesday (ashes). You will always be in our hearts.

xoxo

Ahhhh the good life :)

I am born, raised, and live in New Orleans. I bleed purple and gold as I am an LSU alumni and intend on going back and finish getting my J.D. Family law would be a good thing to get into and I have my foot in the door of a few law firms when I do decide to finish this degree.

I have a beautiful daughter who is 13 years old. She keeps her father and I busy. She plays travel softball year round as well as tumbles/gymnastics during the summer. She has a wonderful stepmother who loves her as her own. and a kick ass stepsister. It is nice that everyone gets along as we all do. I guess that is what happens when you truly do know people before you have kids.

I have a wonderful husband, Jody. He and I have been through a lot and our bond gets stronger more and more every day. He is my best friend, my soul mate. We met six years ago and have been married for three of those. This is my first marriage, his second. I love that he supports me in any endeavor and he truly understands me. I am not the most easiest person to live with, but he accepts me for me and I could not be any luckier.

We have three kids together. Well, kids meaning animals. There is Roux (my lab/catahoula mix), Kasey (his cat), and our love child, Chessie, who is a chocolate lab.

Jody has a son from a previous marriage. He is 11 years old and lives with his mom and her husband. He is a good kid and plays video games most of the time. He has said that he wants to be a gamer when he gets older. More power to him on that one. He is very smart and a straight A student who also plays baseball.

Ahhhh the good life :)