What a difference a year makes.

A year ago, my husband kicked me out of the house.  Told me to leave.  That broke me and destroyed me because I didn't see it coming.  Blind-sided.  Things were not perfect, but I thought that we were just going through a phase as things in life were changing.  My daughter was getting ready to graduate high school and was going off to college.  He had lost three significant people in his life within 9 months, was miserable at his job and the final straw, getting emergency custody of his son (which was the straw that broke the camel's back, so they say).  He rarely had time for me and he felt that he needed to give whatever he had to me to his son, so out the door I went.  Over the past year, he has come up with a million other different excuses as to why he did what he did.  I've had my thoughts on it and he has confirmed a few of them over the past year.  

I've been through so much in this past year and how I made it out alive, I have no clue at all.  None.  God and Nola (my dog).  Because without Nola, I would have never made myself get up every day.  I prayed to God to not let me wake up for the most part of this.  I wanted the horrific nightmare to be over with.  I just wanted to hear my husband tell me "come home, I miss you."  Never happened.  

In October, I had a wake up call.  Rock bottom, so to speak.  I started getting my life together.  Found an amazing counselor and have made great strides to get through one of the worst times of my life.  I had stopped drinking for 4 months.  Now, I have a drink occasionally, but it's nothing like it was when this started.  I lived drunk.  How I managed to keep my job (not to mention the second job that I picked up) amazes me.  It was really bad there for a while.  I'm not perfect and I've had a few slip-ups here and there, but each time, I've learned the lesson.  

I work two full-time jobs (damn near).  So when I do have time, I am very picky with whom I spend it with because my time is very precious.  I am mostly at home with Nola as I am rarely home.  She's become my rock in all of this.  I have no clue where I'd be without her.  A year ago, today, I put down my 15 year old dog who had been through everything with me.  I had to put her down because she couldn't handle the stress of moving.  He kicked me out and a few days later, I moved to my sister's house.  Roux couldn't handle the stress and she was beginning to become senile.  I miss her.  

I love my husband, still, despite everything that has happened.  I've respected my vows (and continue to).  My husband has my heart.  Always will.  I've given him a year and told him as long as he needed to figure it out.  He hasn't changed from the day that that he told me to leave.  He's full of hurt and hatred and it's directed towards me and I do not know why.  He's cut me off in communication at times and then feels the need to throw me a crumb to suck me back in, but it's not working anymore because I deserve more than the crumbs that he throws my way.  I deserve more than what he can give me right now.  I deserve better and I know that.  This last episode proved that to me.  He never believes me and takes the word of strangers or "friends" who tell him lies about me.  Honestly, I could careless who the "friend" was because I never once asked him who "she" was.  It's a lie and I know that it is.  

At the end of the day, I'm independent.  I'm paying all of my bills, living on my own, hustling working two jobs and doing whatever it is that I want.  I just got back home from vacation with my daughter, her friends and my friend.  Fun girls' trip to Orange Beach, Alabama.  I have plans of traveling this year and have the next two planned already.  I love my husband with everything that I have, still, although he really does not deserve it, but maybe he needs it more than ever right now, I don't know.  I hurt because he's hurting and he still isn't happy and I can see it in his eyes whenever I do see him.  I can also see that he still loves me more than anything as well.  I'm not perfect, but I'm picking up the pieces of the life that he destroyed and building a new one.  I like who I am becoming.  I'm not the same person that he married and I'm not the same person he told to leave.  For the first time in my life, I am alone and I am finding myself and who I am supposed to be.  I'm focusing on me and who I want in my life.  I have a select few who I have allowed into my very close circle because as I said, my time is precious. 

My weekend in the NOLA

This weekend was nice.  Saturday, it rained and a cool front blew through.  Spent the day studying and the evening with my brother, his wife and their two kids.  Love those two little boys, but the oldest definitely has his bad days and makes for perfect birth control sometimes.  I enjoy my time that I have with my brother and sister.  

Sunday was a gorgeous day.  Hubby and I spent it out and about.  Went to the French Quarter, saw the Navy ships that were in to commemorate the bicentennial start of the War of 1812 and finished off with a late lunch at Dragos.  Charbroiled oysters, fried ravioli and cocktails were consumed.  

I have not been on a Navy ship in years.  They were in town when I was a kid.  My maternal grandfather was in the Navy and was in WW2.  In fact, he was on the USS North Carolina (simply amazing story/ship).  So, seeing the USS Wasp was neat as well as the other countries Naval ships who came to New Orleans for Navy Week.  They departed today (at 11am).  

Well, for now, I am counting down the days until I am on vacation to the coast of somewhere beautiful with my husband.  

What I am thankful for.

I am thankful that I have a healthy, loving, well adjusted daughter.  That she is not afraid of anything and takes the bull by the horns when she has to.  She's a lot like me.

I am thankful for the loving husband that I have.  Who loves me despite my faults and encourages me to be the best person that I can be.  He also supports what ever crazy endeavor that I come up with as well.

I am thankful for my parents.  Who raised me to be the person that I am today and who have stood behind me in the good and bad times.   They have taught me to fight hard in what I believe in and to never just give up when things get rough or hard.

I am thankful for my siblings.  My brother and sister both rock.  I am close to both and enjoy everything that they bring into my life.  We've been through a lot as a family, but we've come through a lot closer and tighter than ever.  

I am thankful for my inlaws.  They have taken me in and made me feel as though I am one of their own.  Not only myself, but my daughter as well.  I am truly blessed.

I am thankful that my ex (as well as his family) and I get along as well as we do.  It truly does benefit our daughter and her well being.  Raising her in as close to an intact household as we can without trying is what is best for her.

I am thankful to be working where I am.  I love my job and what I do.  It pushes me to strive to learn new things and it challenges me.  

I am thankful for my friends.  Without them, I have no clue where I'd be.  I need them to tell me how it is going to be and to set me straight when I stray off of the path for an easier one.  

I am thankful for A LOT of things, but these are just a few that come to mind.  I am truly a blessed person and I know this.  Family and friends are important and its nice to show that to them during the holidays.  One thing that I learned is to let them know all of the time how appreciative you are of them.  Never know when you will see them again. 

Live, Laugh and Love <3 

Missed me?

It's been a while since I have blogged. Life has been throwing things left and right in this direction, but nothing I cannot handle. It has been mostly good though.

Thanksgiving is tomorrow and I cannot wait. I am thankful for A LOT of things. I am thankful for a wonder husband who supports me in my endeavors, no matter how crazy they may sound at the time. He sees the big picture and is by my side every step of the way. He truly is the love of my life and my best friend. I am thankful for a healthy and wonderful daughter. Who pushes me everyday to be the best person that I can be and by living that example, she is following in my footsteps (just hope that she does not have the detours that I have had along the way). I am thankful for my family and the love and support that I have from them as well. My friends rock and are there no matter what. I am also thankful for my dog. She is my girl and has taught me a lot about life through the years. I am thankful for where and who I work for. Pushing me to go back to law school to get my J.D.

The holidays are upon us and it is going to get hectic. The vacation house should be ready soon and I look forward to spending lots of time there with my family and friends.

I am truly blessed and life is good. The best thing is that life just keeps getting better!!!

Happy Thanksgiving and Holidays :)

When it all falls into place.

Ever have one of those moments in life where everything falls into place? You know, where all is good and nothing can go wrong? I have a beautiful , healthy, and active daughter who keeps me very busy. She is a blessing and because of her, I am who I am today. She is my heart. I am married to the most wonderful man ever. He loves me despite some of my flaws (which he says that I do not have any). He recognizes my artistic abilities and he backs me in whatever insane project that I start. I have a kick ass business partner who knows what she is doing and is someone who strives to obtain her goals (like me). I have a wonderful family and friends and a huge support system that has always been there for me no matter what.

It is nice when everything falls into place. I am so excited for the next chapter that is about to unfold. I will tell in due time :) Let's just say that I am truly blessed.