What a difference a year makes.

A year ago, my husband kicked me out of the house.  Told me to leave.  That broke me and destroyed me because I didn't see it coming.  Blind-sided.  Things were not perfect, but I thought that we were just going through a phase as things in life were changing.  My daughter was getting ready to graduate high school and was going off to college.  He had lost three significant people in his life within 9 months, was miserable at his job and the final straw, getting emergency custody of his son (which was the straw that broke the camel's back, so they say).  He rarely had time for me and he felt that he needed to give whatever he had to me to his son, so out the door I went.  Over the past year, he has come up with a million other different excuses as to why he did what he did.  I've had my thoughts on it and he has confirmed a few of them over the past year.  

I've been through so much in this past year and how I made it out alive, I have no clue at all.  None.  God and Nola (my dog).  Because without Nola, I would have never made myself get up every day.  I prayed to God to not let me wake up for the most part of this.  I wanted the horrific nightmare to be over with.  I just wanted to hear my husband tell me "come home, I miss you."  Never happened.  

In October, I had a wake up call.  Rock bottom, so to speak.  I started getting my life together.  Found an amazing counselor and have made great strides to get through one of the worst times of my life.  I had stopped drinking for 4 months.  Now, I have a drink occasionally, but it's nothing like it was when this started.  I lived drunk.  How I managed to keep my job (not to mention the second job that I picked up) amazes me.  It was really bad there for a while.  I'm not perfect and I've had a few slip-ups here and there, but each time, I've learned the lesson.  

I work two full-time jobs (damn near).  So when I do have time, I am very picky with whom I spend it with because my time is very precious.  I am mostly at home with Nola as I am rarely home.  She's become my rock in all of this.  I have no clue where I'd be without her.  A year ago, today, I put down my 15 year old dog who had been through everything with me.  I had to put her down because she couldn't handle the stress of moving.  He kicked me out and a few days later, I moved to my sister's house.  Roux couldn't handle the stress and she was beginning to become senile.  I miss her.  

I love my husband, still, despite everything that has happened.  I've respected my vows (and continue to).  My husband has my heart.  Always will.  I've given him a year and told him as long as he needed to figure it out.  He hasn't changed from the day that that he told me to leave.  He's full of hurt and hatred and it's directed towards me and I do not know why.  He's cut me off in communication at times and then feels the need to throw me a crumb to suck me back in, but it's not working anymore because I deserve more than the crumbs that he throws my way.  I deserve more than what he can give me right now.  I deserve better and I know that.  This last episode proved that to me.  He never believes me and takes the word of strangers or "friends" who tell him lies about me.  Honestly, I could careless who the "friend" was because I never once asked him who "she" was.  It's a lie and I know that it is.  

At the end of the day, I'm independent.  I'm paying all of my bills, living on my own, hustling working two jobs and doing whatever it is that I want.  I just got back home from vacation with my daughter, her friends and my friend.  Fun girls' trip to Orange Beach, Alabama.  I have plans of traveling this year and have the next two planned already.  I love my husband with everything that I have, still, although he really does not deserve it, but maybe he needs it more than ever right now, I don't know.  I hurt because he's hurting and he still isn't happy and I can see it in his eyes whenever I do see him.  I can also see that he still loves me more than anything as well.  I'm not perfect, but I'm picking up the pieces of the life that he destroyed and building a new one.  I like who I am becoming.  I'm not the same person that he married and I'm not the same person he told to leave.  For the first time in my life, I am alone and I am finding myself and who I am supposed to be.  I'm focusing on me and who I want in my life.  I have a select few who I have allowed into my very close circle because as I said, my time is precious. 

No truer words have been spoken.

This is what I don't agree with and why I can't understand why some people do...everyone wants to blame something on Facebook...makeups, breakups, cheating, stalking, creating a double life for yourself (that in no way, shape or form actually resembles anything about you or your life, and then standing on your imaginary pedestal whilst throwing rocks), hoe activities, a sudden loss of any type of morals or codes of conduct, quite honestly having the courage to say things that you would never in your life have the valour to say in person, and generalized FUCKERY...at the end of the day, blaming a social media site for your problems is like blaming food for making you fat...the food DID NOT make you fat, your choice to eat it did...take responsibility for your own words, your own actions, your own problems and have enough respect for yourself to find solutions to those problems instead of taking the fool's route of blaming everyone else and everything else in the world, most of which is irrelevant for YOUR ISSUES...It is sad that so many people, in attempting to portray grandeur accomplish anything but...think for one second what is says of your own misery the need to constantly insult and demean everyone around you.

Taken from a very good friend, Rachel Padilla.  Could not have said it any better.  

What 2012 has taught me.

Life is definitely interesting to say the least.  I've learned A LOT over the 2012 year.   

Do not take your grandparents for granted.  One day, they will no longer be around to share stories of the past.   

Always listen to your gut when it comes to people.  It does not matter if they are allegedly your good friends or acquaintances.  I wasted too much time allowing someone to take advantage of me as well as take me for granted and never again. 

Marry your best friend.  Honestly, my husband and I could not be any happier in our life together.  We've been together for 9 years and almost married for 6 years.  We never left the newlywed stage.  

Kids grow up fast.  They learn a lot from their parents and their relationships with family/friends/spouses.  Try to teach them what a healthy marriage/relationship is.  It is not what is on the outside that matters, it is what is on the inside.  Be the example. 

My dog is not just a dog.  She is my furbaby.  She has gotten me through so much in my life and has taught me a lot as well.  

Love what you do and it will not be considered work.  I love my job.  I love what I do.  I always strive to be the best that I can be at whatever it is that I am doing.  

Everyone gets burned in life, it is how you pick up the pieces that matter.  It defines your character and who you are.  

Do not take people for granted.  You never know when its their time to exit from this world.  R.I.P. LT. Christopher Nicholas Cambiotti (EOW: 10/20/2012).  There has to be a good reason as to why God took you from our family so soon.  R.I.P. Jennifer Livadais.  Why you took your life so soon, I do not know. 

Never be afraid to try new things.  Life is about living in the moment.  Expand your horizons.   

If people are hating and/or jealous, then you must be doing something right.  Keep on, keepin' on. Pray for you enemies.  Lord knows that they need all of the prayers and help that they can get.  It's not easy being me, but I must make it look as if it is.  

At the end of the day, life is too short.  People come and go.  When one chapter ends, another one is beginning.  Things happen for a reason.  You MAY find out why, you may not.  In the meantime, live, laugh and love with everything and all that you are. 

 

 

Stepparenting book in the making? Why not?

Life is truly interesting.  Needless to say, I am thinking about writing a book on stepparenting and what not to do.  Lord knows that I've had enough experience with that on the receiving end of being a stepparent.  My journal with regards to my stepparenting journey is quite interesting and entertaining.  Why not see if something can come of it? 

 

What I am thankful for.

I am thankful that I have a healthy, loving, well adjusted daughter.  That she is not afraid of anything and takes the bull by the horns when she has to.  She's a lot like me.

I am thankful for the loving husband that I have.  Who loves me despite my faults and encourages me to be the best person that I can be.  He also supports what ever crazy endeavor that I come up with as well.

I am thankful for my parents.  Who raised me to be the person that I am today and who have stood behind me in the good and bad times.   They have taught me to fight hard in what I believe in and to never just give up when things get rough or hard.

I am thankful for my siblings.  My brother and sister both rock.  I am close to both and enjoy everything that they bring into my life.  We've been through a lot as a family, but we've come through a lot closer and tighter than ever.  

I am thankful for my inlaws.  They have taken me in and made me feel as though I am one of their own.  Not only myself, but my daughter as well.  I am truly blessed.

I am thankful that my ex (as well as his family) and I get along as well as we do.  It truly does benefit our daughter and her well being.  Raising her in as close to an intact household as we can without trying is what is best for her.

I am thankful to be working where I am.  I love my job and what I do.  It pushes me to strive to learn new things and it challenges me.  

I am thankful for my friends.  Without them, I have no clue where I'd be.  I need them to tell me how it is going to be and to set me straight when I stray off of the path for an easier one.  

I am thankful for A LOT of things, but these are just a few that come to mind.  I am truly a blessed person and I know this.  Family and friends are important and its nice to show that to them during the holidays.  One thing that I learned is to let them know all of the time how appreciative you are of them.  Never know when you will see them again. 

Live, Laugh and Love <3 

Thought that I would share this little gem.

Here's to all the REAL women out there:

Girls play house. Women make a house a home. 

Girls shack up. Women share the bills. 

Girls make babies. Women don’t get knocked up; they plan for a child. 

A girl won't raise her own children. A woman will raise her own & someone else's. 

Girls invent excuses for failure. Women produce strategies for success. 

Girls look for somebody to take care of them. Women can take care of themselves. 

Girls seek popularity. Women earn respect by knowing how to give it. 

Girls quit and walk away when things get hard. Women Hang on till the very end, then never look back. 

Things that I have learned over the years.

Karma is a very interesting thing. I've learned over the years that you get back what you put out there. If it's bad Karma, you are lucky to only get it back tenfold, not worse.

Life is too short to be thinking about people who do not matter in your life. I've hand picked who I want in my life as well as who remains in it. I am very blessed to have who I have as well as the family that I married into.

Life is not a competition. I feel sorry for those who make it that.

Living in the past and trying to predict the future does not get you far because you miss out on the now and the present is what is the most important. Figuring that out is when you truly are able to live your life happily because you do not miss out on it.

No one is perfect and life is not perfect, but finding the positive in every negative makes life that much easier and better.

There are no victims nor are there survivors. Own your actions and behavior. It makes you a stronger person.

Assuming gets you no where. If you want to know, ask. Otherwise, it is none of your business if you do not have the balls to find out the truth first hand. No matter how painful or validating it can be.

Life is good and I hope that it is for you as well.

Namaste

Missed me?

It's been a while since I have blogged. Life has been throwing things left and right in this direction, but nothing I cannot handle. It has been mostly good though.

Thanksgiving is tomorrow and I cannot wait. I am thankful for A LOT of things. I am thankful for a wonder husband who supports me in my endeavors, no matter how crazy they may sound at the time. He sees the big picture and is by my side every step of the way. He truly is the love of my life and my best friend. I am thankful for a healthy and wonderful daughter. Who pushes me everyday to be the best person that I can be and by living that example, she is following in my footsteps (just hope that she does not have the detours that I have had along the way). I am thankful for my family and the love and support that I have from them as well. My friends rock and are there no matter what. I am also thankful for my dog. She is my girl and has taught me a lot about life through the years. I am thankful for where and who I work for. Pushing me to go back to law school to get my J.D.

The holidays are upon us and it is going to get hectic. The vacation house should be ready soon and I look forward to spending lots of time there with my family and friends.

I am truly blessed and life is good. The best thing is that life just keeps getting better!!!

Happy Thanksgiving and Holidays :)

He's HEEEERRRRREEEE!!!!!!

My nephew was born this morning at 7:46 a.m. weighing in at 7 lbs, 9 oz, he is a big bundle of sweetness!!! I am so excited to be an aunt again :) Life is definitely good and right when you think that it cannot get any better, it does.

Dear Chessie:

I tried to be the best dog mom to you that I could. I am sorry that there was nothing that could be done to make you better. I had to make that hard decision and while looking in your eyes at the initial exam and me thinking I am going to have to end up putting you down, was the hardest thing to do. Getting the phone call from the vet telling me what our options were, but the end result and most comfortable way for you was to put you down. I am glad that I was there and the last person that you saw and was with when you took your final breath.

Sure, I got you as an adult rescue six years ago. Not knowing exactly how old you were and what your upbringing was, but you were a challenge and an awesome one at that. Eating my Kenneth Cole heels, your fine taste in my couch among the other things that you annihilated in the house, not to mention your pee/pooh place in my office and ruining my hardwood floors, rugs and the carpeting in the bedroom. Yes, the carpeting in the bedroom. I was not too fond of the color either, and with you using it as your bathroom at times, made it easier for me to pull it up and get rid of it faster than I wanted. Your craziness with thunderstorms and freaking out trying to get into bed with me, meanwhile, panting loudly/nervously and shaking the bed. Not to mention your digging to China in my closet.

In saying that, you were an awesome dog who let Miles (my nephew) and Tayler ride like a horse. You never left Tayler's side when she was home. You were mothering to Roux (my other dog) although I thought that you two had lesbian tendencies, but I'll stick with your maternal nurturing of Roux.

You were a challenge that I would take and do all over again. You taught me patience and even though I got angry, I did not stay angry at you long. You were very loving and understanding of moods and always there.

I will miss you and I do look forward to bringing you home on Tuesday (ashes). You will always be in our hearts.

xoxo

When it all falls into place.

Ever have one of those moments in life where everything falls into place? You know, where all is good and nothing can go wrong? I have a beautiful , healthy, and active daughter who keeps me very busy. She is a blessing and because of her, I am who I am today. She is my heart. I am married to the most wonderful man ever. He loves me despite some of my flaws (which he says that I do not have any). He recognizes my artistic abilities and he backs me in whatever insane project that I start. I have a kick ass business partner who knows what she is doing and is someone who strives to obtain her goals (like me). I have a wonderful family and friends and a huge support system that has always been there for me no matter what.

It is nice when everything falls into place. I am so excited for the next chapter that is about to unfold. I will tell in due time :) Let's just say that I am truly blessed.

You just never know.

Life is interesting sometimes. If you wait long enough, questions will be answered. Not in the timely manner that you may like, but it does get answered in time. Closure is a powerful thing and I find it interesting that this happened while I am reading the book "The Power of Now."

While reading this book, this quote stood out to me:

"As far as inner transformation is concerned, there is nothing you can do about it. You cannot transform yourself, and you certainly cannot transform your partner or anybody else. All you can do is create a space for transformation to happen, for grace and love to enter"

I have decided to cut out, totally, the negative and toxic people that were in my life or even just being around negative and toxic people. I have chosen to take charge of my life as I am the only one living it. It is short. I do not need to subject myself to people who are ignorant and know not what they speak of. It never mattered to me what people thought of me. I have, on occasion, come across people who have said things about me who really have no clue what they are taking about. Talk about entertainment. The fact that I take up that much room in their mind and life without having to pay rent is awesome when in fact, they are nothing to me.

It is a good read and I look forward to finishing it poolside this weekend. Love the leisure of Country Club life :)

My daughter is . . .

Going to be a JV cheerleader next year. The 8th grade. I am not sure how she is going to balance cheerleading, travel/rec softball, and tumbling/gymnastics this summer, but she is going to be one busy bee. I liked cheerleading when I was a cheerleader, but I loved dance team much more. Being a Pantherette was one of the best experiences in my life. I know that she will look back when she is my age and remember those days as though they were yesterday. :)

I am so proud of my daughter.

Ahhhh the good life :)

I am born, raised, and live in New Orleans. I bleed purple and gold as I am an LSU alumni and intend on going back and finish getting my J.D. Family law would be a good thing to get into and I have my foot in the door of a few law firms when I do decide to finish this degree.

I have a beautiful daughter who is 13 years old. She keeps her father and I busy. She plays travel softball year round as well as tumbles/gymnastics during the summer. She has a wonderful stepmother who loves her as her own. and a kick ass stepsister. It is nice that everyone gets along as we all do. I guess that is what happens when you truly do know people before you have kids.

I have a wonderful husband, Jody. He and I have been through a lot and our bond gets stronger more and more every day. He is my best friend, my soul mate. We met six years ago and have been married for three of those. This is my first marriage, his second. I love that he supports me in any endeavor and he truly understands me. I am not the most easiest person to live with, but he accepts me for me and I could not be any luckier.

We have three kids together. Well, kids meaning animals. There is Roux (my lab/catahoula mix), Kasey (his cat), and our love child, Chessie, who is a chocolate lab.

Jody has a son from a previous marriage. He is 11 years old and lives with his mom and her husband. He is a good kid and plays video games most of the time. He has said that he wants to be a gamer when he gets older. More power to him on that one. He is very smart and a straight A student who also plays baseball.

Ahhhh the good life :)