Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Parental Alienation Syndrome (a/k/a PAS)

 
Top actions of an alienating parent


•Doesn’t inform you of upcoming school activities (especially unexpected ones).

•Expresses no enthusiasm for fun events you’re doing with the child (vacations, amusement parks, etc).

•Limits child’s cellphone usage, so you’ll rarely get a call or text.

•Limits child’s email usage.

•Refers to you by your first name in their home (Dad becomes “David;” Mom becomes “Julie”).

•Accomplishes a post-visitation shakedown, extracting as much info as possible to find negatives.

•Hands the phone directly to the child when you call, avoiding even civil conversation with you.

•Pops anti-depressant pills (as many have a history of depression).

•Able to hold resentment towards young, innocent children (ie. your children from another marriage).

•Never calls you when the child is sick or taken out of school for a day or more.

•Teaches the child adult things to tell you, such as “I don’t feel comfortable about the duration of our summer visitation, Dad”.

•Teaches the child how to despise or hate another human being (that being you, of course).

•Labels themselves the “good” parent; label you the “bad” parent.

•Tells the child false stories about their childhood.

•Tells the child how he or she was victimized by you and your actions (while taking no blame at all for the divorce).

•Teaches the child how to lie to you (coating their little hearts with false malice and scorn).

•Diminishes your extended family’s worth.

•Says to you words like, “I always encourage her to see you;” “I’ve never told him you’re a jerk” while actually doing the precise opposite.

•Neglects to have the child call you for your birthday, on New Year’s Eve, or other important dates.

•Uses a cellphone as a leash while the child is with you.

•Never gets the child excited about seeing you.

•Reminds the child of all that he or she will be missing while with you and away from them.

•Inflicts his or her unhappiness onto the child (as alienators are deeply unhappy people).

•Attempts via a lawyer to reduce visitation to that even below family court minimum standards.

•Takes the child out of state without a peep, while demands precise details whenever you travel with them.

•Monopolizes the child’s time for hours on the phone (if you let them).

•Views any event in the child’s life– a distant Aunt’s birthday, a friend’s birthday, etc– as more important than time with you.

•Teaches the children from their current marriage to despise you.

•Is jealous of anything fun and memorable you do with the child (as they view the good times as a “threat”).

•Gripes about things you’re doing as a parent to the child, but says nothing to you about it.

•Has outbursts around the child (extremely emotional and dramatic ones).

•Lacks a filter; spilling any adult topic into the child’s head.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Reason to NOT dump your pet at the shelter.

The shelter manager's letter:
"I am posting this (and it is long) because I think our society needs a huge wake-up call.

As a shelter manager, I am going to share a little insight with you all - a view from the inside, if you will.  Maybe if you saw the life drain from a few sad, lost, confused eyes, you would change your mind about breeding and selling to people you don't even know - that puppy you just sold will most likely end up in my shelter when it's not a cute little puppy anymore.

How would you feel if you knew that there's about a 90% chance that dog will never walk out of the shelter it is going to be dumped at - purebred or not! About 50% of all of the dogs that are "owner surrenders" or "strays" that come into my shelter are purebred dogs.

No shortage of excuses.
The most common excuses I hear are:

We are moving and we can't take our dog (or cat).
Really? Where are you moving to that doesn't allow pets?

The dog got bigger than we thought it would.
How big did you think a German Shepherd would get?

We don't have time for her.
Really? I work a 10-12 hour day and still have time for my 6 dogs!

She's tearing up our yard.
How about bringing her inside, making her a part of your family?

They always tell me:
We just don't want to have to stress about finding a place for her. We know she'll get adopted - she's a good dog. Odds are your pet won't get adopted, and how stressful do you think being in a shelter is?

Well, let me tell you. Dead pet walking!

Your pet has 72 hours to find a new family from the moment you drop it off, sometimes a little longer if the shelter isn't full and your dog manages to stay completely healthy.
If it sniffles, it dies.

Your pet will be confined to a small run/kennel in a room with about 25 other barking or crying animals. It will have to relieve itself where it eats and sleeps. It will be depressed and it will cry constantly for the family that abandoned it.

If your pet is lucky, I will have enough volunteers that day to take him/her for a walk. If I don't, your pet won't get any attention besides having a bowl of food slid under the kennel door and the waste sprayed out of its pen with a high-powered hose.

If your dog is big, black or any of the "bully" breeds (pit bull, rottweiler, mastiff, etc) it was pretty much dead when you walked it through the front door. Those dogs just don't get adopted.

If your dog doesn't get adopted within its 72 hours and the shelter is full, it will be destroyed.

If the shelter isn't full and your dog is good enough, and of a desirable enough breed, it may get a stay of execution, though not for long. Most pets get very kennel protective after about a week and are destroyed for showing aggression. Even the sweetest dogs will turn in this environment.
 
If your pet makes it over all of those hurdles, chances are it will get kennel cough or an upper respiratory infection and will be destroyed because shelters just don't have the funds to pay for even a $100 treatment.

The grim reaper:
Here's a little euthanasia 101 for those of you that have never witnessed a perfectly healthy, scared animal being "put-down".  First, your pet will be taken from its kennel on a leash. They always look like they think they are going for a walk - happy, wagging their tails. That is, until they get to "The Room".

Every one of them freaks out and puts on the breaks when we get to the door. It must smell like death, or they can feel the sad souls that are left in there. It's strange, but it happens with every one of them. Your dog or cat will be restrained, held down by 1 or 2 vet techs (depending on their size and how freaked out they are). A euthanasia tech or a vet will start the process. They find a vein in the front leg and inject a lethal dose of the "pink stuff". Hopefully your pet doesn't panic from being restrained and jerk it's leg. I've seen the needles tear out of a leg and been covered with the resulting blood, and been deafened by the yelps and screams.

They all don't just "go to sleep" - sometimes they spasm for a while, gasp for air and defecate on themselves.  When it all ends, your pet's corpse will be stacked like firewood in a large freezer in the back, with all of the other animals that were killed, waiting to be picked up like garbage.

What happens next? Cremated? Taken to the dump? Rendered into pet food? You'll never know, and it probably won't even cross your mind. It was just an animal, and you can always buy another one, right?

Liberty, freedom and justice for all.
I hope that those of you that have read this are bawling your eyes out and can't get the pictures out of your head. I do everyday on the way home from work. I hate my job, I hate that it exists and I hate that it will always be there unless people make some changes and realize that the lives you are affecting go much farther than the pets you dump at a shelter.

Between 9 and 11 MILLION animals die every year in shelters and only you can stop it. I do my best to save every life I can but rescues are always full, and there are more animals coming in everyday than there are homes.

My point to all of this is DON'T BREED OR BUY WHILE SHELTER PETS DIE!

Hate me if you want to - the truth hurts and reality is what it is.

I just hope I maybe changed one person's mind about breeding their dog, taking their loving pet to a shelter, or buying a dog. I hope that someone will walk into my shelter and say "I saw this thing on craigslist and it made me want to adopt".
That would make it all worth it."

Author unknown

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Puppies, puppies, puppies!!!

OY VEY!!!  I totally forgot how much goes into having a puppy.  Hubby wanted one and so we got one.  So far, we've had her since Tuesday.  Today is Thursday.  Not sure what I will be going home to and hoping that it is nothing like it was last night!  She's living in a kennel at night (when we sleep) and when we are at work.  

Her name is "Nola" but I have nicknamed her "Devil Puppy."  Holy cow does she have some razor sharp puppy teeth and claws.  Everything is a game to her.  I try to get dressed, she is attacking my pants.  I try to walk and there she goes...between my legs, damn near tripping me.  I gave her a bath, you'd thought that I was drowning her with the way she was whining/screaming.  She just recently saw her reflection in the mirror and was trying to look behind it to see the dog that was in front of her.  She's been terrorizing my husband's cat.  Eats her food AND drinks, more like spills, her water all over the kitchen floor.  Do not get me started on how Roux, my 13 year old black lab/catahoula mix, feels about her.  Roux has a date at the doggie day spa tomorrow to get away.  Nola wants to play with Roux and Roux wants Nola to disappear.  The cat, Kasie, has been quite entertaining.  She hisses at Nola and Nola barks at her. Nola has no clue what is up with her new fursiblings yet.  I tell them both to thank their daddy for this little bundle of crackhead! 

At the end of the day, we are going on two days of having her.  She'll do fine and the unbalance of things at the house will balance back out soon, hopefully.  Just got to get her kennel trained and the rest is smooth sailing!

Monday, January 21, 2013

What 2012 has taught me.

Life is definitely interesting to say the least.  I've learned A LOT over the 2012 year.   

Do not take your grandparents for granted.  One day, they will no longer be around to share stories of the past.   

Always listen to your gut when it comes to people.  It does not matter if they are allegedly your good friends or acquaintances.  I wasted too much time allowing someone to take advantage of me as well as take me for granted and never again. 

Marry your best friend.  Honestly, my husband and I could not be any happier in our life together.  We've been together for 9 years and almost married for 6 years.  We never left the newlywed stage.  

Kids grow up fast.  They learn a lot from their parents and their relationships with family/friends/spouses.  Try to teach them what a healthy marriage/relationship is.  It is not what is on the outside that matters, it is what is on the inside.  Be the example. 

My dog is not just a dog.  She is my furbaby.  She has gotten me through so much in my life and has taught me a lot as well.  

Love what you do and it will not be considered work.  I love my job.  I love what I do.  I always strive to be the best that I can be at whatever it is that I am doing.  

Everyone gets burned in life, it is how you pick up the pieces that matter.  It defines your character and who you are.  

Do not take people for granted.  You never know when its their time to exit from this world.  R.I.P. LT. Christopher Nicholas Cambiotti (EOW: 10/20/2012).  There has to be a good reason as to why God took you from our family so soon.  R.I.P. Jennifer Livadais.  Why you took your life so soon, I do not know. 

Never be afraid to try new things.  Life is about living in the moment.  Expand your horizons.   

If people are hating and/or jealous, then you must be doing something right.  Keep on, keepin' on. Pray for you enemies.  Lord knows that they need all of the prayers and help that they can get.  It's not easy being me, but I must make it look as if it is.  

At the end of the day, life is too short.  People come and go.  When one chapter ends, another one is beginning.  Things happen for a reason.  You MAY find out why, you may not.  In the meantime, live, laugh and love with everything and all that you are. 

 

 

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

21 Suggestions for Success


21 SUGGESTIONS FOR SUCCESS

1.  Marry the right person.  This one decision will determine 90% of your happiness or misery;
2.  Work at something you enjoy and that’s worthy of your time and talent;
3.  Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully;
4.  Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know;
5.  Be forgiving of yourself and others;
6.  Be generous;
7.  Have a grateful heart;
8.  Persistence, persistence, persistence;
9.  Discipline yourself to save money on even the most modest salary;
10. Treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated;
11. Commit yourself to constant improvement;
12. Commit yourself to quality;
13. Understand that happiness is not based on possessions, power, prestige, but on relationships with people you love and respect;
14. Be loyal;
15. Be honest;
16. Be a self-starter;
17. Be decisive even if it means you’ll sometimes be wrong;
18. Stop blaming others. Take responsibility for every area of your life;
19. Be bold and courageous. When you look back on your life, you’ll regret the things didn’t do more than the ones you did;
20. Take good care of those you love; and,
21. Don’t do anything that wouldn’t make your mom proud

~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Stepparenting book in the making? Why not?

Life is truly interesting.  Needless to say, I am thinking about writing a book on stepparenting and what not to do.  Lord knows that I've had enough experience with that on the receiving end of being a stepparent.  My journal with regards to my stepparenting journey is quite interesting and entertaining.  Why not see if something can come of it? 
 

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

RIP Lt. Christopher Cambiotti.

I've never experienced the feeling of helplessness as I do now.  With ever second that I breathe, my heart aches for my sister as she is currently experiencing something that we all fear and she is experiencing this at such a young age.  She's only 31 and she has to bury her best friend, soul mate and love of her life.  Friday is the "policeman" funeral that Chris always wanted and then we fly up to Pennsylvania, where he is from, to endure another viewing and funeral where he will be laid to rest finally.  

To die as Chris did is so senseless.  You'd think being that he was a NOPD Officer, that he would have died in the line of duty, but to be killed while passing time because your love is working is just senseless.  

This is an article that my sister was interviewed for (along with a family friend).  It was beautifully done and I wanted to share.

I will miss you, my brother.  I also promise to take care of Maggie for you.  You are her true love and your memory will live on forever!

Slidell resident, NOPD Lt. killed in auto crash

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Northshore Men's Salon
Posted: Wednesday, October 24, 2012 1:00 am | Updated: 4:26 pm, Tue Oct 23, 2012.

Christopher N. “Chris” Cambiotti, 42, was born in 1970 and grew up in the little city of Bethlehem, part of the Lehigh Valley region of Pennsylvania. He died tragically Oct. 20, in Hattiesburg, Miss., following a two-vehicle collision along U.S. Route 49.
How Cambiotti, a built and courageous man who always sported a “crew cut,” made his way to the Gulf Coast, only later to climb the ladder through promotion after promotion with the New Orleans Police Department, is quite the journey. Many couldn’t imagine taking such chances that Cambiotti had, friends say.
According to Donald Paisant, a former NOPD officer and now Chief of Security for the Mercedes-Benz Superdome, New Orleans Arena and Champions Square, Cambiotti was a longtime friend, and “immediately took a liking to him.”
“He was a very personable young man, always smiling, always positive, Paisant said while being interviewed at Cambiotti’s home alongside Maggie Darling, Chris’ girlfriend of seven years and homicide detective for the NOPD.
“He went to high school in Bethlehem and went on to earn his degree in Business Administration at a college in Lehigh,” Paisant said.
Cambiotti’s parents, Carmen and Henry Cambiotti, still reside in Pennsylvania, while his older brother, Henry Jr. “Rick” Cambiotti, moved out of the city as Chris had, he added.
Cambiotti worked for some time in Bethlehem following his college studies but decided he wanted to become a policeman.
“He applied at three locations - Miami, New Orleans and Los Angeles - and the first one to call was New Orleans. We were doing a hiring at the time,” Paisant said.
Cambiotti would undergo training with the Police Academy and after graduating in 1997 he was assigned work in the New Orlean’s 8th District on “night watch,” working from 7 p.m. to 7 a.m.
It was while working in the 8th District as a lieutenant that Paisant met Cambiotti. At the time Paisant was Cambiotti’s platoon commander.
According to Paisant, the district was short of field training officers and when the number got real low he’d get Cambiotti on board with him. The two would become good friends.
“I asked him, ‘So what brings you to New Orleans,’” Donald said. “He says, ‘I can’t take the cold weather no more.’”
Once Cambiotti finished training, he was put out on the streets on his own in a one-man car. Paisant says Cambiotti went beyond his duties, was a productive officer and volunteered often, especially when dispatch would put out a call requesting police assistance.
“He was (often) the first one to say, ‘Lieutenant, I’ll take care of that,” Paisant said.
Times changed and so did the NOPD. In 1998, Paisant moved on to work in the 2nd District while Cambiotti remained in the 8th District. Paisant was out the loop for roughly three years before heading back to 8th District once again, except to work for the Detective Unit. By then Cambiotti had already been promoted into the Detective Unit. Officers working in the 8th District are generalized, meaning they cover a variety of cases, not just burglaries for example, Paisant said. However, Cambiotti specialized in solving cases pertaining to armed robbery, which was particularly a problem in the 8th District’s tourist area such as the French Quarter, he added.
“At one point he had the highest clearance rate of armed robbery cases citywide…and at that point I knew he was going to be really, really good,” said Paisant. “I knew he was a rising star in the police department and that if he kept on the path that he was going he was going to wind up being in charge of a detective squad, which he was at the time of his death.”
He was the district investigative unit commander of the 1st District, he said.
In 2005, Paisant retired from the NOPD and went on to work in another career.
It was around this time that Cambiotti met Darling. Both were employed with the NOPD, were dynamic and loved spontaneity.
“He was beautiful. He takes good care of himself; he was everything I was looking for,” Darling said.
“In the police profession - and I’m no longer in it now - you always like to have friends that you can bounce things off of and I think that in Maggie and Chris’ case they had the best of both worlds; they were best friends and they truly loved one another,” Paisant said.
According to both Darling and Paisant, those who didn’t know any better would have believed Chris was a New Orleanian his whole life.
As a transfer New Orleanian, Cambiotti grew to love the metropolitan area, Darling said. He lived in an apartment in the Warehouse District and also had a house uptown off Tchoupitoulas Street and Napoleon Avenue.
“He loved the city and even more he was so proud to be a New Orleans policeman. In fact I thought it was kind of freakish actually,” Darling joked.
Following Hurricane Katrina, Darling and Cambiotti vowed it would be best if they moved to the Northshore from Algiers, where they were previously living. They ultimately purchased a home in the new Crossgates neighborhood off Whitney Drive.
The couple was very passionate about sports and loved to just jump in the truck and go anywhere, Darling said.
“We loved to take day trips together on the whim, just lived very spontaneously,” she said.
On Saturday, Darling was on duty and working the day shift. Her boyfriend had the day off and was looking “to kill time.”  Cambiotti’s friend, Thomas Daughdrill, 42, asked if he wanted to take a ride to Mississippi, for no other reason than to go driving cause it was a beautiful day, Darling said.
Meanwhile, Paisant was just sitting in his seat within the University of Southern Mississippi’s stadium to watch a football game when he got a call from a Deputy Chief of the NOPD.
He said Chris had been in a bad accident in Hattiesburg, Paisant said.
According to Mississippi Highway Patrol Troop J Spokesman Todd F. Miller, Daughdrill and Cambiotti were riding northbound along U.S. Route 49 around 5 p.m. in a 1970s Midget when a 2002 Mercury Mountaineer, driven by 26-year-old William Scott, of Hattiesburg, impacted their vehicle’s rear.
Daughdrill, Cambiotti and the Midget sped off the roadway. Cambiotti was ejected from the vehicle and died on the scene, according to memo released by the NOPD.
Neither Daughdrill nor Scott was cited and an investigation is ongoing, Miller said.
“It didn’t appear alcohol or anything like that was involved,” he said.
When Paisant received the news, he headed to Forrest General Hospital where he believed Cambiotti was being transported to. I could still hear the PA System at USM, that’s how close the hospital was to the university, Paisant said. After waiting for a short time, Paisant got another call from the NOPD, except this time they told him Cambiotti was in the local morgue.
Meanwhile, Darling and Cambiotti’s boss Bobby Norton, who is the first district commander for the NOPD, were on their way to Hattiesburg.
“By the grace of God, Donald was already there. He was able to do something I couldn’t and that was identify him,” Darling said.
“Notifying family members of the tragic incident was probably the most difficult thing I’ve had to do. I’ve had to do it too many times and you never get used to it,” said Paisant.
With Cambiotti’s older brother being away on a trip in Mexico, Paisant had no choice but to call Henry Cambiotti directly. At first the former employer of Bethlehem Steele and proud father who is well into his 80s didn’t take the news well.
“I think he’s at peace. He knows it was an accident,” Paisant said. “He knows there’s nothing Chris did or didn’t do that could have done anything.”
At the end of his life, Cambiotti was second in command of the city’s first district.
“This is a true loss for our community. Chris was a dedicated officer who cared for and respected his community very much,” Norton said.
According to NOPD Superintendent Ronal Serpas, Cambiotti was popular among his fellow officers and made numerous contributions to the police department.
“He’d always make a point of coming over to say ‘hello’ during breaks at weekly COMSTAT meetings. He always had something positive to say and he always had a smile on his face,” Serpas said.
After asking Darling if she could share a few last words with her partner, she responded, “I love you and wish I could have been there for you.”
A memorial for Christopher Cambiotti will be held Friday at the Saint Louis Cathedral in New Orleans.