An open letter to you:

I do have to say that you've taught me a lot over the last 12 years.  Actually, more over the last year than anything. 

I'm not going to be bitter about anything because, honestly, there isn't anything to be bitter about.  I am on my path and you're stuck where this all first started.  Which brings me to unconditional love.  You taught me that I can love someone who I am not blood related to. I thought that I would never be able to love someone unconditionally like I do my daughter.  I was wrong.  This last year has taught me how wrong I was about that.  I hurt because you hurt.  I hurt because I can't fix it and I hurt because you are not doing anything to fix it either.  You're looking for excuses and buying expensive things to fill the void when reality is, Baby, it's within.  Everything is within.  

I loved you through your darkest days.  Your darkest.  I lost myself in trying to fix you.  When everyone told me to give up on you and to move on, that you do not deserve me...I couldn't.  I never gave up on you.  I prayed every day that God would put us back on the path together and that we'd be good again.  The obstacles got harder and I went down a dark path, myself.  It wasn't until I was slapped in the face with consequences that I woke up and started taking care of me.  How can I take care of anyone else when I am slowly trying to kill myself because I lost what was the best thing that happened to me, aside from my daughter?  I started getting my life back together and I get stronger everyday.  I work my ass off working two jobs (damn near full time) and I work hard and play harder.  Life is too short to do anything else other than live it and live it to its fullest.  

For the first time in my life, I am independent.  No one to answer to, my bills are being paid and I'm doing it all on my own.  I have to say, our last exchange during Good Friday opened my eyes to a lot, Love.  We are in two totally different places.  As I said before, you are still where you told me where to get off and now I am farther ahead.  I have no clue what the future has for us and I'm not really focusing on that right now.  If we are meant to be, we'll find our way back to each other.  If not, it was nice knowing you and I hope that you find the love and happiness that you deserve.  You're not a bad guy, we are just not meant to be together right now, if at all.  I get that.  I just hate looking into your eyes and seeing how much you do love me and at the same time the pain and misery that you're struggling with.  Again, I hope that you find whatever it is that you are looking for.  I love us enough to let go of the rope.  

Love Always